Policies and *%#&@!

ReplacementsChildren & PetsTrademarks/Copyright — Event Refunds — Drinking Age — Twisted Few

: Twisted Oak Winery will never ever EVER sell or give away our mailing list. We would rather be dragged through the jungle by an enormous incontinent weasel than divulge these secrets. So don’t ask! And, if you ever want off of our mailing list, please contact us by mail, phone, internet, or carrier iguana and we’ll make sure it is like you never existed. So to speak. But we’ll be sad.

Confidentiality: We at Twisted Oak Winery would rather be boiled in acid than divulge the personal information you were kind enough to give us when you made your order and/or joined the Twisted Few. Well, OK, if an angry mob shows up with a vat of boiling acid we’re giving up the goods. But then we’re calling the cops. We promise!

State of California WARNING: Drinking distilled spirits, beer, coolers, wine and other alcoholic beverages may increase cancer risk, and, during pregnancy, can cause birth defects.  For more information go to www.P65Warnings.ca.gov/alcohol. There, you voted for it, we did it.

Children & Pets. Four-legged and two-legged children are welcome at Twisted Oak Winery. Four-legged children must be kept on a leash at all times during their visit, and they are welcome inside the tasting room. Please do not leave them in the car, bring them in!

Two-legged semi-domesticated house apes (children) do not need to be on a leash except at the parents discretion, we don’t judge. However, two-legged children must be attended at all times and should stay within the immediate Tasting Room area. There is a toy box available, dig in and have fun!

We love your children & your pets but please be courteous & respectful of other guests. Guests are responsible for the safety of their children and our property. Children must remain under close parental supervision and within eyesight at all times, and for their safety are not allowed to wander. If this rule is not adhered to, the parent(s) will be asked to leave. Which would suck.

Replacements and Returns and Refunds (oh my!): We hate to say it, but sometimes a bottle goes bad or gets damaged in shipping. If this happens to you – and rest assured we are mortified – please let us know and we will replace it without question. In general, the State of California does not allow for exchanges or returns except in cases of defective, damaged or incorrect product. If you find you have received the wrong wine please let us know right away and we will get the right stuff to you. And finally, if you find that product is just not up to snuff, contact us and we will work something out to your satisfaction.

Trademark: OK, hold on, here we go! “Twisted Oak”, “Are You Twisted?”, “*%#&@! Yeah!”, “Wine Rack”, “Don’t Fear the Pink!”, “Go Ahead, Twist My Oak!” “Don’t Spit the Good *%#&@!“, “Give a Friend a *%#&@!“, “Twisted in Twaining”, “Wine Wack in Twaining” , “Snaggle My Puss”, “Take Your Rubber Chicken to Work Week”, “Take Your Rubber Chicken…” anywhere (for that matter), “The Spaniard”, “River of Skulls” and corresponding red skull design, “Rubber Chicken National Forest”, “Land of Some Uses”, “Pig Stai”, “Murgatroyd”, “Torcido”, “Parcel 17”, “Partial 17”, “Ruben’s Blend”, “Ol’ Chumbucket”, “Nice Goat”, “Cockamamie”, “Calaveras Rosa” and corresponding pink skull and rose design, “Bearded Dragon”, “The Thief”, “Chicken Bubbles”, and finally “*%#&@!” are trademarks of Twisted Oak Winery, LLC. Yes, all of them.

Copyright: All content on this web site is copyrighted by Twisted Oak Winery, LLC. We take this copyright stuff seriously because we think we have some pretty cool *%#&@! here and we don’t want it being used for nefarious purposes. Back off Doctor Klang!

Nearly all of the photos on this site were taken by El Jefe, our Fearless Leader. If you want to use any of them, please just ask. He’s cool if you’re cool.

Event Cancellations and Refunds: We have several dinners and other events in a year, and these events typically have fixed costs where vendors and performers require us to pay them in advance for a committed number of people. (Typically, a number of people who should be committed, but I digress.)

So, after a certain date we will have paid for you, and we can’t get that money back, so we’re afraid neither can you. (For dinners, we typically have to commit to a number of meals 7-10 days before the event.) But if we are able to find someone to take your place we will happily refund your money! (It’s not like we’re buttheads about it…)

Also, you know we are freaks for having a good time, but believe it or not even freaks have limits. If you are asked to leave due to inappropriate behavior you will not receive a refund. Hint: come sober, leave happy and safe.

Finally, if we have to postpone or cancel an event for any reason, you will of course be entitled to a full refund.

Kind of Bizarre But Harmless Third Party *%#&@!: We may contract with third party marketing companies to serve advertisements on our behalf across the Internet. They may collect non-personal information about your visits to our website, and your interaction with our products and services. They may also use non-personal information about your visits to this and other websites to target advertisements for goods and services. (Translation: We advertise, and because we don’t have a huge marketing budget we’d rather show our ads to people who like wine. Like you!)

These targeted advertisements may appear on other websites that you visit. The anonymous information is collected through the use of technology such as Cookies and Web Beacons, which are industry standard. No Personally Identifiable Information (“PII”) is collected in this process. (Yeah, and if they do, they gonna meet Guido!)

We may share your PII and non-personal information, including your name, address, email address and any transactions you conduct on our website or offline with us with a third party advertising partner and its service providers in order to deliver tailored advertising to you that match your interests when you visit our website as well as other websites. Our advertising partner will make the data that we provide anonymous so that no one else will receive your PII. (Translation: We wrap your PII up in a little bundle that’s encrypted tighter than an NSA agent’s…um…)

You may opt-out of the use of your information for tailored advertising purposes. To learn more about the use of this information or to choose not to have this information used by our third-party advertising partner by opting out, please visit the Network Advertising Initiative by clicking here. If you delete your Cookies, or use a different browser or computer, you will need to renew your opt-out choice. (Translation: We’re not buttheads about this. Just let us know.)

Drinking Age

Dude/Dudette. We know it sucks, but if you are under 21 we just can’t sell you wine right now.

While we might be tempted to be flattered that you chose Twisted Oak wines for your first foray into your blossoming adulthood, you’re going to need to make that choice after you have reached your 21st birthday.

The good news is that you have a whole lifetime of semi-responsible choices to make when you reach your 21st birthday, but you will never ever again be under 21.

So, go have a Coke or a Red Bull or something and enjoy the tattered remnants of your misspent youth while it lasts. We’ll be here when it’s time!