Mumbo Jumbo

Order Our Wines n' Stuff
Event Cancellation Policy
Under 21? Sorry, No Can Do
Privacy Policies

Order Our Wines n' Stuff

Order Online! You can order online anytime (even in your underwear) (please, no photos) (unless you're hot or wearing Twisted Goodies, which means you are hot) using our convenient Shopping Sack! Just go to the Wines Page, enter the quantities you want and click the oh-so-convenient Put It In My Sack! button. After you review Your Shopping Sack, click Check Out Now to check out on our Secure Server. Your order will be acknowledged by email.

Special Prices: Members of The Twisted Few enjoy a special price that is 20% less than list price on wine purchases for any quantity, and 10% less than list price on non-wine fun stuff. We offer free ground shipping for full case purchases, and you can mix it up any way you want. Twisted Few members: be sure to log in with the email address we have on file for you so that you are given the correct price. 

NEW Shipping Rates! Effective April 14, 2008, we now offer flat rate shipping on all orders!

For Twisted Few Members, UPS Ground is a flat rate of only $15 for up to 11 bottles. If you order at least a case of 12 bottles, your shipping is free! FedEx Two-day is a flat rate of $25 for up to 12 bottles. FedEx Overnight is a flat rate of $35 for up to 12 bottles.

For everyone else, UPS Ground is a flat rate of only $18 for up to 11 bottles. If you order at least a case of 12 bottles, your shipping is free! FedEx Two-day is a flat rate of $30 for up to 12 bottles. FedEx Overnight is a flat rate of $45 for up to 12 bottles.

Alaska: Shipping to Alaska is via Two-day only. Twisted Few rate is $45 for up to 12 bottles, for everyone else the rate is $50.

Shipping States: We can currently ship to addresses only in CA, NV, AK, AZ, CO, FL, ID, IL, IA, MI, MN, MO, NH, NM, NY, NC, OH, OR, TX, VA, WA, WI, and WY. If your state is not on the list please do check with us anyway; state laws are changing all the time, and we are always trying to add states to this list. (Especially if you are in CT, LA, or ND - please give us a reason to get permitted there!) Note that ground shipments within CA are delivered within 1-2 days.

For ALL orders: Orders are typically processed and shipped on the next business day after they are placed (unless you place the order REALLY early!) We will not charge your credit card until your order is ready to ship.

We HOPE this is obvious, but: You must be 21 years of age or older to order wine from us (or any winery). Also, you must ship the wine to a place where a person 21 years of age or older will receive it. Trust us, the dude in the Brown Truck doesn't want to get in trouble, so he will be checking. We commend you for wanting to drink something more than "Bud", but we're afraid you'll have to wait a little longer.

Picking Up at the Winery: You may order wine to be picked up at the winery in Vallecito. Please allow 24 hours for processing. The best thing to do is call the winery at 209-736-9080 to see when the order will be ready.

You Can Also Order by Phone! You can call us during normal (like anything is normal for us) business hours at (209) 736-9080 and place your order with one of our Crack Staff.

Your Privacy and our pictures of you naked are important to us! Please read our Privacy Information for more details.

Event Cancellation Policy

We have several dinners and events a year, and these events are typically catered by outside vendors. These vendors require us to pay them in advance for a committed number of people.

Therefore, after a certain date we will have paid for your attendance at the event, and we can't get that money back. Unless we find someone to fill that seat we will not be able to refund your money. But if we are able to find someone to take your place we will happily refund your money! It's not like we're buttheads about it...

Also, you know we are freaks for having a good time, but believe it or not there are limits. If you are asked to leave due to inappropriate behavior you will not receive a refund. Hint: come sober, leave happy and safe.

Finally, and we just hope this never happens, but if we have to cancel an event for any reason, you will of course receive a full refund. Duh.

Under 21? Sorry, No Can do

We know it sucks, but we just can't sell you wine right now.

While we might be tempted to be flattered that you chose Twisted Oak wines for your first foray into your blossoming adulthood, you're going to need to make that choice after you have reached your 21st birthday.

The good news is that you have a whole lifetime of semi-responsible choices to make when you reach your 21st birthday, but you will never ever again be under 21.

So, go have a Coke or a Red Bull or something and enjoy the remnants of your youth while it lasts. We'll be here when it's time!

Privacy Policies

Privacy: Twisted Oak Winery will never ever EVER sell or give away our mailing list. We would rather be dragged through the jungle by an enormous incontinent weasel than divulge these secrets. So don’t ask! And, if you ever want off of our mailing list, please contact us by mail, phone, internet, or carrier iguana and we’ll make sure it is like you never existed. So to speak. But we’ll be sad.

Confidentiality: We at Twisted Oak Winery would rather be boiled in acid than divulge the personal information you were kind enough to give us when you made your order and/or joined the Twisted Few. Well, OK, if an angry mob shows up with a vat of boiling acid we're giving up the goods. But then we're calling the cops. We promise!

Trademark: "Twisted Oak", "Are You Twisted?", " Yeah!", "Wine Rack", "Don't Fear the Pink!", "Go Ahead, Twist My Oak!" "Don't Spit the Good ", "Twisted in Twaining", "Wine Wack in Twaining" , and are trademarks of Twisted Oak Winery, LLC.

Copyright: All content on this web site is copyrighted by Twisted Oak Winery, LLC. We take this copyright stuff seriously because we think we have some pretty cool here and we don't want it being used for nefarious purposes. Back off Doctor Klang!

Nearly all of the photos on this site were taken by El Jefe, our Fearless Leader. If you want to use any of them, please just ask. He's cool if you're cool.

And don't ask where the boobies went; we just made them a little harder to find...