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El Jefe
 
June 23, 2012 | Private Chicken, Rubber Chickens, Show Us Your Twisted! | El Jefe

DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY PRIVATE!

"The Adventures of Private Chicken... as clucked to SGT F"

You think you are the “Foster Imposter?” Your plumpness is not from working out!

Private Chicken has been putting on a few ounces (hey, when you only weigh a couple of pounds, ounces count!) Our motto here is simple; you either go home weighing three hundred pounds or you go home lifting three hundred pounds. And we prefer the latter over the former (actually, so does the US Army…)

Working out accomplishes several things. One, it relieves a lot of stress (deployed, no family, extremely long hours, dangerous environment etc.) Two, it breaks up the time you are here. As long as you stay busy, time will go by faster (“SGT F, what is this 'time' you talk about?” TIME?! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD!! KEEP PUSHING MAGGOT!!). Third, and probably most important, you are required to maintain physical readiness at all times. So the gym really helps in that regard.

Private Chicken has advised me that he sucks at push-ups (he has no arms, people…) but he has gotten really good at shooting hoops (as he says, “straight from the coop - to shoot some hoop” - I don’t know what has gotten into him lately…) What he really excels at is running - go figure. But now that he has worked it out, I will probably allow him some leisure activity - maybe say a movie…?

SGT F is a Twisted Few wine club member, serving in the US military someplace in Afghanistan, with his (t)rusty sidekick, Private Chicken. SGT F sends us periodic transcriptions of Private Chicken's tour of duty. (You can find previous installments here.) 

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